Today I am under attack. Ulcerative Colitis attack, and it's a bad one. Have to postpone date night. I feel so weak today, and I'm annoyed that I had to have a flare up now. I wanted to go out with Craig so badly, but now I'm stuck in bed with a heating pad.
The worst part is my daughter thinks it's her fault. It's not at all her fault. I hate letting her down, but this isn't anyones fault, just happens. I hope to get my strength back ASAP. This is not the time of year to be down and out. Too much to do, you know?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Annoyed
Just found out that the health insurance plan I'm on ends Jan 31, so I have to find a new plan. Yay! My company has a high deductible plan I can go on, but it's not going to be cheap. Guess it's better than nothing. And now it seems I'm going to be spending some money on tests and procedures, so I ought to get this all figured out sooner than later. For sure I'm going to get as much done in Dec/Jan that I can.
Now for my rant:
Why do people in my real life tell me "not to worry until I have something to worry about"? Like that sound advice changes anything?
I
D O
H A V E
S O M E T H I N G
T O
W O R R Y
A B O U T !!!!
Presently, I am in pain. There IS this nasty mass hanging out in my uterus that's getting bigger. I'm on CD 10 and my period is still going strong. In fact, it's picked up the flow, and today I'm up to medium flow. Periods should not bleed this long.
Today my back hurts, my stomach hurts, I have a splitting headache, and my ulcer kicked in thanks to the added stress.
Sometimes Facebook sucks. You make a simple comment, and everyone in my family jumps on me, telling me I'm making much ado about nothing.
>:(
>:(
>:(
Now for my rant:
Why do people in my real life tell me "not to worry until I have something to worry about"? Like that sound advice changes anything?
I
D O
H A V E
S O M E T H I N G
T O
W O R R Y
A B O U T !!!!
Presently, I am in pain. There IS this nasty mass hanging out in my uterus that's getting bigger. I'm on CD 10 and my period is still going strong. In fact, it's picked up the flow, and today I'm up to medium flow. Periods should not bleed this long.
Today my back hurts, my stomach hurts, I have a splitting headache, and my ulcer kicked in thanks to the added stress.
Sometimes Facebook sucks. You make a simple comment, and everyone in my family jumps on me, telling me I'm making much ado about nothing.
>:(
>:(
>:(
MRI scheduled 12/29 at noon
We're on the schedule for a MRI on Wednesday, 12/29 at noon. Craig and I will both take the day off, just easier I think.
All this stress hasn't done my ulcer any favors today. I'm going to cash a free 1 hr off work coupon and head out at 3pm. I have to pick up Natalya from preschool early anyway. Just easier to take her home and have hot chocolate, then bring her back to my office for an hour.
Sigh...........
All this stress hasn't done my ulcer any favors today. I'm going to cash a free 1 hr off work coupon and head out at 3pm. I have to pick up Natalya from preschool early anyway. Just easier to take her home and have hot chocolate, then bring her back to my office for an hour.
Sigh...........
Thursday, December 9, 2010
My Hematoma has a new name...
Adenomyosis.
https://health.google.com/health/ref/Adenomyosis
http://women.webmd.com/adenomyosis-symptoms-causes-treatments
Hate it when life comes at you hard.
My head is still spinning. Baby making back on hold, doctors orders.
Looks like what my OB thought probably wasn't an issue is turning into an issue. The meeting of the minds now suggests I have something called "Adenomyosis".
The cause is unknown. Sometimes adenomyosis may cause a mass or growth within the uterus, which is called an adenomyoma.
This is what they think is happening to me, and if it is, 1) I won't be able to support a pregnancy; automatic m/c, 2) will continue to grow, making my uterus grow = no good, and 3) will have to come out either via robotic surgery, or full blown hysterectomy.
The next step is to have a MRI done. Just the thought of that process has me scared.
At least DH is being supportive again. He was soft and gentile tonight and after I got off the phone with my OB, I asked him to come over to me. I told him I needed to put the fight on hold, cause I was scared and needed him to hold me.
FWIW... he did.
So what IS Andenomuosis?
"Adenomyosis is uterine thickening that occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, moves into the outer muscular walls of the uterus.
The cause is unknown. Sometimes adenomyosis may cause a mass or growth within the uterus, which is called an adenomyoma.
Symptoms
Long-term or heavy menstrual bleeding
Painful menstruation , which gets increasing worse
Pelvic pain during intercourse
Treatment
Most women have some adenomyosis as they near menopause but few women have symptoms, and most women don’t require any treatment.
In some cases, pain medicine may be needed. Birth control pills and a progesterone-containing intrauterine device (IUD) can help decrease heavy bleeding.
A hysterectomy may be necessary in younger women with severe symptoms."
So this is what I'm dealing with. I'm the "younger woman with severe symptoms". Great.
Back on baby making hold, until more tests run. Hoping to have the MRI before the end of January.
Hopefully birth control pills can chill it out while we go through the tests, and then we'll see what we need to do next.
So... I'm scared, and trying not to get too ahead of myself. I am freaked out though.
https://health.google.com/health/ref/Adenomyosis
http://women.webmd.com/adenomyosis-symptoms-causes-treatments
Hate it when life comes at you hard.
My head is still spinning. Baby making back on hold, doctors orders.
Looks like what my OB thought probably wasn't an issue is turning into an issue. The meeting of the minds now suggests I have something called "Adenomyosis".
The cause is unknown. Sometimes adenomyosis may cause a mass or growth within the uterus, which is called an adenomyoma.
This is what they think is happening to me, and if it is, 1) I won't be able to support a pregnancy; automatic m/c, 2) will continue to grow, making my uterus grow = no good, and 3) will have to come out either via robotic surgery, or full blown hysterectomy.
The next step is to have a MRI done. Just the thought of that process has me scared.
At least DH is being supportive again. He was soft and gentile tonight and after I got off the phone with my OB, I asked him to come over to me. I told him I needed to put the fight on hold, cause I was scared and needed him to hold me.
FWIW... he did.
So what IS Andenomuosis?
"Adenomyosis is uterine thickening that occurs when endometrial tissue, which normally lines the uterus, moves into the outer muscular walls of the uterus.
The cause is unknown. Sometimes adenomyosis may cause a mass or growth within the uterus, which is called an adenomyoma.
Symptoms
Long-term or heavy menstrual bleeding
Painful menstruation , which gets increasing worse
Pelvic pain during intercourse
Treatment
Most women have some adenomyosis as they near menopause but few women have symptoms, and most women don’t require any treatment.
In some cases, pain medicine may be needed. Birth control pills and a progesterone-containing intrauterine device (IUD) can help decrease heavy bleeding.
A hysterectomy may be necessary in younger women with severe symptoms."
So this is what I'm dealing with. I'm the "younger woman with severe symptoms". Great.
Back on baby making hold, until more tests run. Hoping to have the MRI before the end of January.
Hopefully birth control pills can chill it out while we go through the tests, and then we'll see what we need to do next.
So... I'm scared, and trying not to get too ahead of myself. I am freaked out though.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Words Sting
talking solved nothing tonight. however we both agreed to keep talking, thinking, and being gentle. lots of tears from me tonight, and a bit of a scare about the solidity of my marriage.
DH questioned our sex life, wondering if we're better roommates. That really hurt. He said he feels the only reason we get together anymore is to make baby, and with me changing the timeline, I'm being selfish. That his wants, needs, fears, etc. don't matter because I just want another baby so badly.
Words sting.
He's perfectly happy with us not having another natural made baby. Maybe we'd adopt in the future. He just doesn't want to deal with me being preggo while he's graduating. Actually said he was being selfish, but didn't want to share the spotlight. (He graduates in May). He had thought we'd wait 6 months, he'd get this new job (which he hasn't even applied to/found yet) and then we'd go nutso in the baby dancing dept.
I told him it was unfair to make me endure this pain until he's ready, if he'll ever be ready. And that if he wanted to wait a year, we might as well just decide to be done now so I can move forward with figuring out what the heck is wrong with me and have what ever surgery needs to happen to feel whole again.
I told him I'm scared to lose my uterus. Not just because of the finality of not making anymore children, but that it's such a huge part of me. I told him I hate that I'm broken, but we said for better or for worse, sicker and poorer, etc.
I think he was speaking from pure emotion, not thinking before letting the words spill out. He felt bad after he spoke. We agreed to keep thinking, talking, and figuring all this out together.
I've been married for 7 years, but have had DH in my life for 17 years. I don't want to wake up and not have him be a part of my life. I for the first time ever, am worried about my marriage. I don't want another baby so bad, as to lose my best friend and husband in the process. I'm scared, I'm in pain, and now my heart is aching too.
When he is finished with this class (1 more week) we'll really be able to dig in and have a go at figuring this mess out.
ETA: It's been a rough 24 hours, for sure. I know this is a rough patch, and there will have to be some compromise. I am supposed to talk with my OB tomorrow afternoon. I will ask lots more questions, including getting on BCP to chill the cycle while we figure all of this out. Maybe we hold off a few months, and then try. Maybe when we do try, we use IUI to speed up the process. Don't really know. Just hate how we're both right and both wrong. Life get's too complicated sometimes.
DH questioned our sex life, wondering if we're better roommates. That really hurt. He said he feels the only reason we get together anymore is to make baby, and with me changing the timeline, I'm being selfish. That his wants, needs, fears, etc. don't matter because I just want another baby so badly.
Words sting.
He's perfectly happy with us not having another natural made baby. Maybe we'd adopt in the future. He just doesn't want to deal with me being preggo while he's graduating. Actually said he was being selfish, but didn't want to share the spotlight. (He graduates in May). He had thought we'd wait 6 months, he'd get this new job (which he hasn't even applied to/found yet) and then we'd go nutso in the baby dancing dept.
I told him it was unfair to make me endure this pain until he's ready, if he'll ever be ready. And that if he wanted to wait a year, we might as well just decide to be done now so I can move forward with figuring out what the heck is wrong with me and have what ever surgery needs to happen to feel whole again.
I told him I'm scared to lose my uterus. Not just because of the finality of not making anymore children, but that it's such a huge part of me. I told him I hate that I'm broken, but we said for better or for worse, sicker and poorer, etc.
I think he was speaking from pure emotion, not thinking before letting the words spill out. He felt bad after he spoke. We agreed to keep thinking, talking, and figuring all this out together.
I've been married for 7 years, but have had DH in my life for 17 years. I don't want to wake up and not have him be a part of my life. I for the first time ever, am worried about my marriage. I don't want another baby so bad, as to lose my best friend and husband in the process. I'm scared, I'm in pain, and now my heart is aching too.
When he is finished with this class (1 more week) we'll really be able to dig in and have a go at figuring this mess out.
ETA: It's been a rough 24 hours, for sure. I know this is a rough patch, and there will have to be some compromise. I am supposed to talk with my OB tomorrow afternoon. I will ask lots more questions, including getting on BCP to chill the cycle while we figure all of this out. Maybe we hold off a few months, and then try. Maybe when we do try, we use IUI to speed up the process. Don't really know. Just hate how we're both right and both wrong. Life get's too complicated sometimes.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
SIS Update - not great news
My news isn't so great. I had my "fluid" test today, and the recommendation is hysterectomy, sooner than later, but the when is up to me and how much pain I can endure.
Meaning, my periods are going to stay nasty and continue to get progressively worse each month. She (my OB) gave me more percocet, and will be following up with me Thur after she reviews my diagnosis with the other experts at the practice.
The good news, we're ok to try and conceive immediately, and it was her recommendation to do so. (However, my husband really wanted to hold off, and now that needs to be re-addressed) Then after the PG ends, take the uterus at that point. So the news is bitter sweet. The mass in my uterus is getting bigger and moving into a less then ideal location. Thus my clock is truly running out.
So that's where we are. Now my husband and I need to re-group and decide what to do.
I'm still numb, but feeling pretty sad about all of this. I'm sure as the week progresses, the reality of it all will sink in. I'm hoping the news doesn't get worse on Thur. Just have to wait it out. I'm not due to ovulate for another 8-10 days, so hopefully DH and I can "talk" before then, and both be on the same page.
He didn't say much on the way home, seemed upset though.
Meaning, my periods are going to stay nasty and continue to get progressively worse each month. She (my OB) gave me more percocet, and will be following up with me Thur after she reviews my diagnosis with the other experts at the practice.
The good news, we're ok to try and conceive immediately, and it was her recommendation to do so. (However, my husband really wanted to hold off, and now that needs to be re-addressed) Then after the PG ends, take the uterus at that point. So the news is bitter sweet. The mass in my uterus is getting bigger and moving into a less then ideal location. Thus my clock is truly running out.
So that's where we are. Now my husband and I need to re-group and decide what to do.
I'm still numb, but feeling pretty sad about all of this. I'm sure as the week progresses, the reality of it all will sink in. I'm hoping the news doesn't get worse on Thur. Just have to wait it out. I'm not due to ovulate for another 8-10 days, so hopefully DH and I can "talk" before then, and both be on the same page.
He didn't say much on the way home, seemed upset though.
Monday, December 6, 2010
saline infused sonohystogram (SIS)
Going to leave work at 2pm for my 3pm apt, so I have time to let the percocet kick in before I have to go in. Eeek.
saline infused sonohystogram (SIS)to see if my womb is still in good shape, if the hematoma is gone/still present, and if we'll get a green light for making babies, or be told we're done.
It's supposed to hurt, and I'm really scared.
saline infused sonohystogram (SIS)to see if my womb is still in good shape, if the hematoma is gone/still present, and if we'll get a green light for making babies, or be told we're done.
It's supposed to hurt, and I'm really scared.
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