Good day, bad night... I don't know what to do

I’m sick of it! DD treats me with such disrespect. She’s incredibly rude and horrible to me. I do everything I can to please her and it’s never enough. I’m crying. I’m dying inside for her to love me to like me, to be as nice to me as she is to her father. I must give her too much, and she exploits it. I know she doesn’t understand. I know she’s only 4. I know I’m the adult, but I’m fragile right now, and she still is pushing pushing pushing.

Maybe going back into the world was too soon. Maybe I am not truly ready? Why does this have to be this way? Why is my relationship with probably my only ever going to have child so volatile? I thought bad relationships with moms and daughters took years to develop. I’m a suck ass mom. She hates me. I can’t earn her love.

And he’s no help. She respects him. She listens to him. A true daddy's girl. He waits for it to all explode out of control and then has to referee after I’m screaming, she’s screaming, doors slamming and curse words muttered under my breath. WTH? Why can’t he help me??? Why do I even need his help? Single moms are successful. Where can I learn? Why don’t I get this? Why can’t I control my feelings and emotions? I’m a ticking bomb, so easily detonated. So is she.

I hate this. She’s screaming. I don’t know what to do.

I go back in to her room. We just cry in each other arms. I explain my point of view to her. She hugs me. She again asks for another story. This is what started all of this in the first place… tonight at least.

She softly asks for Daddy. I get him. She breaks down in his arms… she misses Kika, she misses Bear. Why did we have to give Kika away??? Why did she have to lose bear? They were her best friends and now they’re gone.

We all feel terrible. We’re all upset. We’re all crying.

I go into my room and get the final back up bear, and while he distracts her, I hide bear #5 in her room. We help her find him. She’s so happy. She’s not crying anymore. She loves us all again.

She’s asleep now. I know in my gut I’m a woos. I can’t hold my resolve with her. I just want her to have the happy childhood I didn’t have. I want her to have fond memories.

I still don’t know what to do. I still don’t know what I’m doing. I only know this can’t continue. I need help, just don’t know where to get it. Don’t want to be judged as a bad parent from a super mom that it all seems so easy for them. I have a daughter with ADD, I too have ADD. Neither of us are on meds.
Maybe I need to be for both of our sanity's.