Up LATE With Things On My Mind

Up late with things on my mind. 

My daughter..... starts fifth grade tomorrow, 10/3, and will head to school early to move out of her fourth grade classroom and into her new room/class. I'm excited and nervous for her and can't wait to hear how her first day goes. 

My son.... He's been quite a handful lately. Misbehaving. Strong willed and thinks he's invincible. Climbing and getting into things purposefully put away up high and out of reach. Wants to do it by himself and I'm okay with it when it won't harm him. Like wearing his clothes backwards. But not okay to play in the litter box. Not okay to hit his sister. I want to give him more positive attention. More one on one focus. I'm thinking I want to get him letter and number tracing books so he can start practicing. Less TV! More play! But still manage to have him occupy himself somewhat too, because I've got my hands full! He will be going to kindergarten next year! Is he going to be ready? 

My husband.... he works so hard and we love him dearly. We have been so stressed out; my surgery, my daughter's pneumonia, my son's potty training (or lack of training), my husbands root canal.... it weighs so heavily on him and I wish there was a better way to deal with the stress and worry. Thank goodness we're all better. But yeah the worry and stress never seems to diminish. 

ME.... I have a great group and a great team! I love coaching and helping where I can. It fills me with immense joy. But sometimes I get so busy I lose myself in the mix. I need to sort out the working out part now that I'm 8 weeks post op. It's time to press play. It's time to refocus and reset my why. Why do I want to workout and eat better? Why is it so hard? Why is it still "work"? I want to go back to school and take a dietics focus to become a registered dietitian. I know what I want but starting seems overwhelming. I love my credit union job. Truly love it. My boss is amazing and I'm honored to work with her. We do incredible work. Important work. We are so community driven. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd still want to go in to the office and I'd still want to be a coach. I want to be a career woman, earning income and contributing to my family. I want to feel valued. I want to be respected. I want to motivate and inspire; others AND myself. I want it all! And I know I deserve it all. Just wondering HOW to have it all. Maybe it will be logistically more realistic when both kids are in full time school and my daughter is old enough to "babysit" my son. Maybe I just need to map out a long term plan. Make a plan; work my plan. That's what I tell others. It's good advice. I need to tell myself this. 

My Heath..... I had a bad flare day. Even though my uterus is gone, and that's finally fixed/resolved, I still have a diseased colon that's never going to get better. Today was a not so gentile reminder of that. My chronic insomnia is also a not so gentile reminder of my UC. My toe still hurts, 2 years post foot surgery and that pisses me off. My scars from my hysterectomy still itch and I still get super swollen and likely will continue with that over the next year. I'm the healthiest sick person I know! It's frustrating beyond explanation!!! I postponed a colonoscopy due to the hysterectomy, but flare days like today remind me that I need to get that back on the calendar. How am I going to pay for that? Let alone prep for it. (Ugh).

Shocker I can't sleep!!! 😳

What keeps you up?

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