Let Taly take a sibling class. Most hospitals offer these. This is the one we're having her take.
One 2-hour class for children age 3 and older who are about to become big sister or big brother.
Newborn appearance, behavior and abilities, what it might be like being a sibling, ways siblings can help with the baby, and why siblings are special people. Class includes a diapering and swaddling activity, an art project, and a tour of the hospital's Mother-Baby Unit.
Go out of your way to make her role as Big Sister an important one, special helper, etc. Also get her a button or t-shirt announcing her new status.
Doing weekend afternoons "special activities with Mommy and daughter" after you have the baby. When you ask her to do something emphasize that she is the big sis and needs to teach baby how to "get dressed, set the table, wash hands, etc,".
Give her one-on-one time daily when baby is napping and periodically have daddy/daughter or mommy/daughter activities such as lunch, going to the store, movies, etc.
Read to the older child with EVERY feed, so she doesn't feel left out. Keep a basket of books near the places you will feed the baby. Since you feed 8-12 times a day, the kid eventually decline your invitation to read all the time. After a few weeks you'll only read to them a few times a day. Schedule lots of bigger kid activities the first few weeks. Have DH take her on special hikes through the parks department, a movie, Sesame Street Live, an art class, etc. These classes will keep her occupied and gave you some quiet time with the baby. It also reinforced the "now you are a big kid" talks in a positive way.
I think you have to be careful to not emphasize that now they are a big kid too much. What's so great about being a big kid? You have to share your time, attention, space with a new person. You have to wait longer to get your needs met. You have to help "bring mommy such and such." Eventually they revolt. I am a big believer in making the kids self sufficient and doing this before baby comes, without emphasizing the big kid part. Let her get her own dishes (keep in a low cabinet), pour her own cereals and milk (keep a small pitcher in fridge just for her), make her own PB&J's, etc. If DD starts learning to fend for herself it will ease a lot of stress when the baby comes. She won't have to wait for adult help and she can get her basic needs met.
If you are alone with baby and DD and both need something, so long as baby is safe, tend to DD first. Baby won't remember that you helped DD while Baby cried for 10 more seconds, but DD WILL remember if you always tend to baby's needs at the expense of his own. Now, clearly, this can be abused by DD, but you get the idea.
A good big sister book was "Babies Don't Eat Pizza"
http://www.amazon.com/Babies-Dont-Eat-Pizza-Brothers/dp/0525474412/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331686180&sr=8-1-fkmr0
Hope that helps. It's going to be a huge transition. Maybe one or more of these will help.
Thanks to all my Nov 2006 mommies for these tips!
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