Why I Blog

I find doing my blog to be very therapeutic. Originally started to journal my what I thought was going to be my last pregnancy, but after the m/c, changed to just what my journey is day to day, week to week, etc. My blog title, Under Construction, really does still seem to fit, as I feel that I'm a work in progress and probably will always be under some sort of life construction be it physical or mental. My goals for 2011 and beyond is to get healthy... physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. Above and beyond just going on a diet to shed pounds, you know? More of a change in lifestyle so I can be a better me. A better mom, and a better wife. I want this for me, and so I blog about it.

Out for a little longer. Bugh!

Post op follow up #2, doc now says could be more like 4-6 weeks recovery. Guess they did more to my abs then i first thought. Picked up more "happy pills" and just back from another blood draw to rule out any internal infection.

Fun times!

So is it AF or not?

With the red on the tissue last night, I fully expected AF would be full blow today, but instead, she's no where to be found, and the bit of blood on the tissue today is brown and sparse, aka old blood. So does that mean something popped open internally??

Worry, Worry, Worry!

Doc's to still call me this morning to set up today's anticipated visit, around 11am.

I'd like to get back to living please

My doc couldn't see me today, but I have an apt. for tomorrow. She told me to continue with the remaining percocet and Tylenol, and we'll re-evaluate it (continued pain, bleeding, opened up incisions) tomorrow. Then I began having horrible ab pain this evening, and found red blood on the TP, so either there is some internal stuff going on, or AF found me. Probably AF, the timing would be correct for that. Just want to get better and get back to life.

I AM going to work Monday no matter what. Even if I have to pop pills at my desk. I can't believe how much work I missed. Yay for paid days off but boo for using them all up right now. This isn't the "vacation" I dreamed of having. But as DH points out, if we move away this summer, I'm quitting anyway, so no need to stress over it, but instead be thankful I have it to use right away (not earned as the month's progress like other companies do).

I do sound like a complaint factory lately. I'm really not a debbie downer, I think I'm just beyond bored. And my DD has been acting up and testing DH's boundaries, which is never good. Just don't poke the bear, you know? So lots of tantrums and time outs lately. Sigh. I want to jump in and take her outside to give him a break, but can't just yet. So it's frustrating for all of us. At least it's all temporary, and we'll be back to our happy selves soon.

Post Op Apt = Good News

I went to the doc today to do post op check up and get refill on pain pills. Going to try to wean off them this week. Without the pills, pain is down to level 7, which is such a great improvement from a few days ago.

Good news too, pathology report says I'm good, no cancer. And they were able to get the entire mass out, so just need to work on healing from the surgery. I'm very tired, but thrilled. Just resting up now. And hopeful to be back to work the end of this week, or Monday (1 week from today). Just have to play it by ear and see what feels right.

I need to rest/nap and get my energy and strength back. I really need to let Craig help me, and not be so stubborn.

The doctor has green lit us for baby making again as soon as 2 months/cycles. :)

Sleep Interruption

Getting tons of interrupted sleep. lol. Every 3.5 hours an alarm goes off telling me to take more medicine. If I just sleep through the alarm, I'll be rested but wake up in too much pain, so I'm adjusting to taking lots of naps.

I'm awake now, but could easily put my head down and sack out again. Just waiting for breakfast, and then I'll try to get some more sleep. Still surprised by how tired I am from all of this.

so high, so not liking it

I'll never be addicted to drugs. I hate the way I feel right now, but don't know what else to do.

These pain meds are necessary to keep the pain in check, however they also add discomfort. My head is spinning, and I feel wicked queasy. I can't see straight. My gut still hurts, but maybe not as bad as before with less drugs.

My neck is stiff and sore, and I have a heating pad on it to loosen it up.

I'm exhausted, but can't get comfy enough to get some good sleep in.

I know it'll soon be 4 hours later and time to take more pills. Sigh. I need to do it, but getting harder to convince myself to do so.

I can't wait until I can get off these pills. Hate hate hate how out of it I am.

Think I'll try to nap again. Something.

60 tablets... wow!

I think I'm in so much pain because it was abdominal surgery, and outpatient surgery so the incisions are wicked tiny, but the abs still were cut and moved about. It's painful, and since outpatient, I'm not still in the hospital on IV painkillers. That being said, DH just called, and he's picked up 60 percocet tablets. That ought to help.

wwwwhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Yup I'll be high as a kite and then some. Presently, having wicked dizziness and watching Bend it Like Beckham. I'm all alone at the moment, just me and the cat.

Hoping the added pain pills kick in well enough that DH can assist me in a shower. He can be my "sven" tonight.

And just off the phone, dinner is being dropped off courtesy of our synagogue. Some woman I don't even know just called and said she's bringing by dinner. Love it when the community bans together. Excellent.

Seriously, normally abdominal surgery takes 6 weeks to recover, but I should be up and running in 1-2 weeks. Much faster recovery time, but just 24 hours after surgery, it's going to sting a bit.

We think a normal person would do great on the level of pain meds I was given, but let's remember, I've been taking percocet since August from all this bothersome pain during AF and such.

Soooo I think my body just got used to the percoset, thus need a higher dose now to make an effect. Logic aside, I hope my theory is correct and soon I'll be loopy and able to get some sleep.

More drugs... wheeeeee: 4 every 4

A concerned call to my doctor as I am having difficulty even breathing.... every breath you take... hurts like hell.

So the doctor has ordered more percocet, sans tylenol. He wants me to now take 2 with the tylenol and 2 without every 4 hours. Yes, that is right, 4 percocets every 4 hours.

Hopefully that'll do the trick. This pain is ridiculous. I have a new understanding of level 10 pain!

All stitched up and home recovering aka OUCH.

I'm thankful to be home, but think I pushed it too much. Probably should have stayed the night. Ended up pulling a muscle in my shoulder trying to open a bottle of water to take a pill, and with my soft comfy bed, getting in and out of it has been really difficult.

However thanks to heavy narcotics, I am managing through the pain. Not getting as much sleep as I'd like, but as the pain lessons I am certain sleep will come.

They have me taking 2 percocets every 4 hours. Think they'll need to give me more, only left the hospital with 40 pills. That's enough to get me through Saturday.

Doc said as long as pathology report comes back clean, we can TTC again in 2 months. So that was really encouraging to hear.

Got 10 inches of snow yesterday, quite a storm. I knew snow was coming, but only anticipated 1-3 inches, so the drive home from the hospital was a bit slippery. Glad there wasn't much traffic on the road.

DH stayed home today to take care of me. He's really tired too. Was a LONG day for him filled with waiting and worry.

DD's sleepover was a success, and she is at preschool now. DH will go out later today to get some things we need and to pick up my kid. This was my first night away from her and I really miss her. I can't wait to see her tonight. I pray that she'll be gentle with me, and maybe hold my hand and cuddle.

Laparoscopic and Robotic Myomectomy

For those with interest, this is very similar to the procedure I'm having on Wednesday. The exception, I don't have a fibroid, but rather a liquid growing mass that is giving me the same headache a fibroid would. Once it's out, we're hopeful that all these horrible symptoms go away.

http://www.fibroidsecondopinion.com/laparoscopic-myomectomy/

Surgery is Wednesday, 1/12/2011

Wow, that's fast. Going to have the uterus surgery next Wednesday, and if all goes well, just a 1 week recovery. That's very manageable, and before my new high deductible insurance kicks in, so yay for that too. They had a last min. cancellation, and I'm getting that slot now.

Best case scenario, we're green lit for TTC 2 months post surgery. Worst case scenario, they end up doing a hysterectomy due to a complication and it's game over and 6 weeks recovery.

So thoughts and prayers for the best case scenario/outcome.

That being said, if it all goes well, will be taking a TTC break probably for 6 months to a year, as I don't want to mess up my relationship with my husband. Ultimately, he's the most important to me, and would be lost without him. We both want another child and if this surgery is successful, we'll have a renewed opportunity to do so, before I'm 40. So I get back "time".

Consult is on Friday

So ready to be in surgery getting this thing cut out. My AF is back and gaining strength! Not fair!!!