Ugh, is this postpartum depression?

I think PPD has sunk in. Today I lost it and broke down in tears just trying to unload the dishwasher, and knocked over a cup of hot coffee that spilled all over the clean dishes.

DH called my OB for a therapist referral. Thought I was handling all this better, but now it seems I'm not. Maybe having a therapist again will help. I'm going to see one on Friday this week.

I still haven't been back to work. More because I can't deal with the emotional pain than the physical pain.

We also had our 7th wedding anniversary yesterday and DH brought me roses and cooked me a steak dinner. Wow! We were postponing the celebrations (so I thought), so it was nice.

The evening got the best of us and we sort of DTD. My OB would be pissed. It was awkward and nerve wracking. At the end he pulled out, so we're telling ourselves we're safe. But really we both know better.

So we'll just see what happens, if anything, from that.

OB told us not to TTC until the bleeding/bruise is gone. We have a fup U/S on Oct 5 to check. My bleeding has stopped, and I've been having EWCM. I have no idea if I ovulated/am ovulating 'cause I'm not tracking anything this cycle. So we'll see what happens on that end.

On the therapy end, I was in heavy therapy when we lost Alice so know it can help. My new insurance covers 8 sessions, and then I guess the Dr. just requests more if needed. That's how it worked before with my other insurance plans in the past. I am hopeful for getting to a mental place when I can just get back to the office. Thank goodness for family leave. I didn't use it when I lost Alice and I really should have. I didn't know I was entitled to it back then. This time my office is being great about everything, so I feel the pressure is off there for now. I just need to get through each day, you know?

Thanks for all your support. I think I DO want to TTC at least once more, and see how it pans out. Maybe 3rd time's the charm? Trying to stay positive, although at the moment, it's kind of hard to do so.