Bleeding

This can't be "just one of those things". I'm bleeding. Not spotting, but bleeding. Red blood. No cramps, blood on the TP, looks like the early days of AF. Crap! Don't think I'm going to make it to Friday, and when Friday is here, all it's going to do is confirm what I already know. My baby is gone. Again! Why can't I bring home children anymore? Don't know if I can take this pain again. I know I've been "preparing for the worst" but really who does that? I'm devastated. I terrified to tell Natalya. I don't know if I can try again. It's so heartbreaking. How do you NOT get attached?

ETA: just as soon as I say I'm not cramping, I start to have cramps. Will I lose this baby tonight? I'm so sad. I feel that going to the ER is pointless. They can't do anything to stop this. I feel powerless and defeated.